A sons story

I am writing this in the hope that it will educate other fathers and perhaps help other sailors starting their career in the navy, it is my son’s story.

First I must give you some background; my son graduated high school in 2005 and had a scholarship to any state school of his choosing, he had worked on the school newspaper as editor and for the local newspaper as a sportswriter covering area high school football games. His plan was to attend college as journalism major, we toured several colleges in our state. However just prior to graduation he gave us the news his girlfriend was pregnant, and he decided to attend the college closest to home so he could raise his child.

While we were obviously disappointed we were proud of his commitment to step up and raise his child which turned out to be a boy and our first grandchild. While attending college he went to work for circuit city (yeah there out of business) there he learned a lot about computers. Fast forward to 2008 and he approaches me about moving to the area of the college he had originally planned to attend transfer to the circuit city there and finish college, by now however he was realizing that a job in journalism and especially in sports journalism might be futile since ESPN was hiring ex ballplayers. I thought this was a good opportunity for him to finish his college education and I agreed to help him move which included a purchase of a house. Of course as you all now know Circuit City went under the economy went south and he lost his house and had to move back how.

                I had always told both my sons that I had regretted not serving in the military and thought that there were many benefits later in life that would help but they both knew they had to go to college. So while I thought they should go in when they were 18 for the experience they instead went to college first.

Now 2010 my son approached me and said dad what do you think about me going in the Navy now. Well at 22 with no job, a family and two years of college I thought it’s never too late plus he and his family would get health insurance a roof over there head and safe day care for my grandson.

                Now since my family had experience in the military especially my older brother who was a Vietnam era vet and a sergeant we made sure to ask all the questions. My son scored very high on the entrance exam and they immediately wanted him to enter the sub nuke program, but he said no he definitely did not want subs so the next thing they came up with was an AT working on the fighter jets which sounded great to me because all my friends that served in the Navy recommended carrier duty.

Besides that he would go in as an E3 since he had college and had made the deans list each of his two years. We learned how to maximize the GI bill paying in the extra $100.00 per pay period so my grandson would get the college benefit if my son stayed in the full 6 years but he was already planning to make it a career.

                Fast forward to Great Lakes, everything going well everything still positive, but know we are learning that some of the RDC are truly caring and some just going through the motions. The guys all get to request what they want and my sons requests San Diego (he grew up on the east coast) because he wants a change of scenery and in talking to some of the good chief’s they give him advice on the best track for him to advance. At this point we are exchanging letters and he’s already thinking ahead, Six years doing AT taking the petty officer exam, coming back to GL to be and RDC etc.. and I’m excited best he’s sounded in years. Unfortunately he doesn’t get SD he gets Pensacola for A school some of his buddies get the track he wants and he chalks it up to one lazy chief who didn’t care to fill out the requests but he’s still positive.

                Once at A school in Pensacola again great experience but once again when the time comes for C school notification he gets Virginia Beach not the west coast which some of his buddy’s get assigned to.

However now some of his instructors start talking negative about the Navy, little advancement because so many young men are signing up due to the recession, the needs of the navy come first etc..

Once in Oceana In Virginia Beach his family can finally join him, they get a great 2 story townhouse just off base and my grandson now 4 years old attends daycare on the base for a mere $50 a month, they have the NEX and full Tricare health care coverage. Again however there is negative talk from the chiefs and others who have done sea duty and some of that enthusiasm from boot is wearing off in fact a lot is wearing off, and then there are the officers who don’t care. Mike’s security clearance being held up because a LT doesn’t want to do her job, they recommend he take Petty Officer exam but don’t tell him without the clearance his tests results will be invalid a fact he learns later upon his return from the Carl Vinson.

                Yes he finishes C school in April and even though the Vinson’s been out at sea since November they fly him out, and what a trip, they had to catch up to the boat including landing on the carrier at night.

Yes he’s on the Vinson when they close down the flight deck so the helicopters that raided Bin Laden can land on the deck, he goes from being a pollywog to shellback, he gets to see Hong Kong etc.., but his calls home are disturbing he wants out and said it’s the worst decision he’s ever made. He’s talked to the chaplain on board he gets back to Oceana and he’s done, whatever happened he’s had it with the navy. He takes a couple of weeks off but we hear July 15 they are sending him to Nevada to the air base there for additional training. Suddenly though mom and dad get a call that he’s not going and he’s been assigned to watch in Oceana. We learned that he has threatened suicide and he’s been placed in counseling sessions.

They diagnose Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Dependent Personality Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, and Depressive Disorder and the counselors are recommending administrative separation.

So here we are today, Mike continues to stand watch and attend one hour group counseling sessions, he’s been given Zoloft, and he awaits word from the Navy as we do about his future. Now the prospects look grim, his wife is ill his son is about to start kindergarten and his parents are left wondering what went wrong. If he gets a dishonorably discharge all his GI benefits are gone.

                I send this in the hope that should you see a huge change in your son or daughters outlook that you take immediate notice and do what you can to assist them. As for me I have been advised NOT to discuss my concerns with my son as this only adds to his stress level. If you look up BPD you will find that its generally blamed on the persons upbringing which of course is news to me and his mother. My older son finished college and has good job and great family they were raised exactly the same. My wife and I are still married (34 years) and we have never done anything differently with either son. Now my son will not speak to his mother on advise of counsel so you can imagine how his mom feels. What once was a bright outlook is now gone and what the future holds is anyone’s guess.