Musings regarding my son.

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Permalink Reply by NavyDads Admin (Paul) on April 20, 2013 at 9:15pm

Riddick, know that most of us have gone through the same sorts of thoughts and experiences- that is one of the reasons we started and maintain NavyDads....when you need answers or just need to vent, feel free to do so. It sounds like the 8 weeks will drag by, but in reality they go much faster than you think.  You'll get his address soon and you can start to write.....in about 3-4 weeks you'll get a call

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Permalink Reply by NavyDads Co-Admin, Gary on April 20, 2013 at 10:37pm

Hang in there Riddick you'll be attending graduation in no time...

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Permalink Reply by Riddick on April 21, 2013 at 12:21am

The reason I joined is that I figured other people may understand where I'm coming from.  I just really needed a forum to vent where people would understand.

Intellectually and rationally, I know this is a good thing for him...probably the best thing he could have done for himself.  I'm so very proud of him...and I'm sure when I see him on graduation I'll be choking back tears (aww screw it, I'll be bawling like a schoolgirl)  :)

Emotionally...not so much.  The reality is as much as I thought I was prepared from him to eventually move out and move on (that's why you raise them!), when I realized he was actually on his way to boot camp and then gone (and out of contact)....that was really rough.  My son and I are close (after he went through his obligatory butthead phase the first 2 years of high school)...the Navy won't change that.

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Permalink Reply by Navy Dads Co-Admin Tom on April 21, 2013 at 10:03am

Riddick....Welcome to Navy Dads! As Paul said, we have all gone through this too....with our sons, daughters, and in some cases, with more than one! Becoming an "empty nester" is a tough transition. I know that it was for me. After so many years of hustle and bustle, the silence can be deafening. You, as well as your son, are beginning a new phase of your life....with new adventures, new goals, and new rewards. You have worked hard to get your son to this point in his life.....now stand back and watch the fruits of your labors. On the day of P.I.R., when your son strides through that door with a newfound resolve and confidence, it will all come together for you. Your child will have become an adult of whom you will feel an overwhelming sense of pride! Letting go of our children is the hardest thing that we, as parents, have to do. Share in his accomplishments, knowing that you have brought him to this place! I wish you and your son the best of luck!

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Permalink Reply by Riddick on April 21, 2013 at 12:36pm

Thanks for the supportive words.  The first day after he left was the toughest.  I still miss him though I'm not emotional as I was the day after he left.  Reading the responses to this thread and other areas of this site have been very helpful.

Tom L said:

Riddick....Welcome to Navy Dads! As Paul said, we have all gone through this too....with our sons, daughters, and in some cases, with more than one! Becoming an "empty nester" is a tough transition. I know that it was for me. After so many years of hustle and bustle, the silence can be deafening. You, as well as your son, are beginning a new phase of your life....with new adventures, new goals, and new rewards. You have worked hard to get your son to this point in his life.....now stand back and watch the fruits of your labors. On the day of P.I.R., when your son strides through that door with a newfound resolve and confidence, it will all come together for you. Your child will have become an adult of whom you will feel an overwhelming sense of pride! Letting go of our children is the hardest thing that we, as parents, have to do. Share in his accomplishments, knowing that you have brought him to this place! I wish you and your son the best of luck!

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Permalink Reply by Navy Dads Co-Admin Tom on April 21, 2013 at 3:29pm

Hey Brother...you are amongst friends who all feel the same....The emotions don't fade, but the feeling in the pit of your stomach will lessen. Use this site and all of your new family to lessen the anxiety. Ask any and all questions...and put your feelings here for all to see. It does get easier...but never easy! ;)

 

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Permalink Reply by Mike Wagstaff on April 21, 2013 at 5:42pm

Hey Riddick, I know exactly how you feel. My step-son, Tyler left for BC on 3/25. He has lived with me for the last 5 yrs, and now I am going thru the "empty nest" syndrome myself. I was with a friend the first time he called home, and that was a big relief. She said my face lit up when I answered and it was him. That really helped alot. One thing you can do for him is to write often, daily if possible. My son says that really helps alot. I've gotten a couple letters from him and he is doing great, but does miss home. He's looking forward to, as am I and the rest of family, to graduate. It's gone by pretty quickly so far, I just keep myself busy. Reading others on this site is a real blessing. When I watched him walk away at the airport, it was tough, but I was also VERY PROUD of his decision to join the World's Greatest Navy. Hang in there, it will get better!

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Permalink Reply by Barry Norton on April 21, 2013 at 8:57pm

Riddick
It seems like yesterday that our son graduated from RTC, and its been almost three years. He'll be home soon, after 7 months on his first deployment.
Reading your thoughts brought back all the emotions I felt when he left home, the excitement when we heard, "I'm a sailor!", and the indescribable pride watching he and Division 184 graduate. Everything you feel is worth everything you'll see, at Great Lakes. I'd do it all again. You and your son's adventures are just beginning, and they'll go fast; believe me.
Like Mike said, he's joined The World's Greatest Navy, and I'm just as proud of him as I am for my own son. When you see him next, tell him I said thank you for serving. Go Navy!

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Permalink Reply by Bill Ward on April 22, 2013 at 10:16am

It's funny, I was a Sailor from 1978-1987 so when my son - my youngest child - informed me that he was bored with college and wanted to join the Navy I thought that, having been there before, I wouldn't suffer the same anxieties that most parents feel when their child ships out.

I was wrong. So add me to the list of those parents who understand exactly what you're going through.

But know this: Odds are that your son will regard his time in the Navy as some of the best years of his life. I still keep in touch with about fifteen shipmates from my last ship (we're even having a reunion later this year) and each one of them, whether they were career Sailors or not, echo that sentiment.

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Permalink Reply by Riddick on April 23, 2013 at 2:08pm

Deep down, I know the Navy will be great for my son.  He's a good kid...but he's not especially motivated (which I'm confident will change).  The thing is I think he knew it when the discussion about college came up.  He point blank told me that I'd be wasting my money and that he didn't love baseball enough to be motivated for college.  I'm only hoping that the Navy gives him the confidence, self-discipline and motivation to succeed both in and out of the Navy.

Now that I'm in a better mood, I can share a few funny things.  My son told me the following before he left.  First, that boot camp consisted of them yelling at him...which he didn't think was a big deal (and he DID watch the videos!).  Secondly, that the experience wouldn't change him.  I got a good laugh from that. 

The Chief from the recruiting office gave him some advice about leadership the day before he shipped out.  My son is very shy but the Chief told him he could step up as a leader in boot.  My son told me he couldn't...it's not his style.  I told him that leadership isn't necessarily telling people what to do, it's also helping out those around him and being an example.  He's in great physical condition so I told him that he could help the people in lesser physical condition by encouraging them when they didn't think they could do anymore.  That is a way to be a leader.  Not having served myself (I did test for the Marines at 18 but failed the physical due to a history of asthma), I didn't have any other sage pieces of advice.  Was that good advice?

Bill Ward said:

It's funny, I was a Sailor from 1978-1987 so when my son - my youngest child - informed me that he was bored with college and wanted to join the Navy I thought that, having been there before, I wouldn't suffer the same anxieties that most parents feel when their child ships out.

I was wrong. So add me to the list of those parents who understand exactly what you're going through.

But know this: Odds are that your son will regard his time in the Navy as some of the best years of his life. I still keep in touch with about fifteen shipmates from my last ship (we're even having a reunion later this year) and each one of them, whether they were career Sailors or not, echo that sentiment.

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Permalink Reply by Bill Ward on April 23, 2013 at 3:44pm

I think so, since the natural progression in the Navy is to 1) Make rank and 2) Assume the responsibility that goes with it. It would seem that the Sailor who learns leadership skills early would have a smoother time transitioning to leadership positions.

That said, the Navy has a way of producing leaders. After "A" school and some time in the fleet working in their professions most Sailors start to feel a sense of investment; to the crew, the ship, and the rating, which in turn creates a desire for more responsibility and for the opportunity to make their mark. That's what I observed, anyway.

One thing that I'm pretty confident hasn't changed: For many, boot camp is harder on parents than it is their young Sailors who, once in the fleet, will have largely forgotten about it.

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