Navy Dads

My son just called me after being in boot camp since 5-16-13 and sounded completely defeated, telling me how much he missed all of us and how his training was harder than anything he had ever experienced before. He said the mental aspect of the training had him so beaten down that he wasn't sure if he would be able to make it. He also told me that because he had written down on one of the forms during processing that I recently had a heart attack they made him spend two days in medical, putting him behind the rest of his division.

Now he's considering changing his status from active to reserve because he wants to be closer to home, which is unusual since he's been on his own at college in Alabama and back home living with his Mom working for a roofing company just prior to enlisting. I'm thinking he's really not in the right frame of mind to be making that type of decision and am writing him letters of encouragement to stay the course and keep his active status because I would really rather have him make that decision when he's got a clearer head and feel he would look back on that decision later with regret. I'm also concerned that maybe he's really not making it and the RDC's are giving him an out. This is very difficult for me to hear since he's always been a very independent person and has talked about joining the NAVY since high school.

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Tough question, and there are probably those that will know more about this than I would, but I would be surprised if that is a decision they would let him make in the middle of boot camp.  Especially since boot camp is the same for Reserves or Active.  Also, it may be impossible to make that switch at this point if he's signed his contract, etc.  

Boot camp is going to force the kids through a roller coaster of emotion and his outlook will likely change dramatically after the first few weeks are over.  So I would just continue to give him support and wait and see what happens.  My kid went in the same time yours did and he already warned me to ignore his first letter, as he wrote it after two days with no sleep and was miserable.  Since then, his attitude has changed for the better, but I would not be surprised if he hits another valley or two before it is all over.  

Basically - boot camp sucks.  So I imagine the powers that be will not let your son make a career defining decision at this point.

Let us know when you hear from him again.  

Thanks David, I will let you know...I'm glad your kid is doing better, it gives me a little hope that mine will find his way.

David F. said:

Tough question, and there are probably those that will know more about this than I would, but I would be surprised if that is a decision they would let him make in the middle of boot camp.  Especially since boot camp is the same for Reserves or Active.  Also, it may be impossible to make that switch at this point if he's signed his contract, etc.  

Boot camp is going to force the kids through a roller coaster of emotion and his outlook will likely change dramatically after the first few weeks are over.  So I would just continue to give him support and wait and see what happens.  My kid went in the same time yours did and he already warned me to ignore his first letter, as he wrote it after two days with no sleep and was miserable.  Since then, his attitude has changed for the better, but I would not be surprised if he hits another valley or two before it is all over.  

Basically - boot camp sucks.  So I imagine the powers that be will not let your son make a career defining decision at this point.

Let us know when you hear from him again.  

Thanks Jim, I will continue to send the encouraging letters and hope he comes around.

NavyDads Co-Admin, Jim said:

Boot Camp is at different levels for different people. After about the first four weeks, it does get a little easier. You are doing the right thing. Keep your letters upbeat and encouraging. Tell him not to give up. They do tend to mess with your head a bit there, but it's all bout how well you can follow orders and work with others as a team. When you're on a ship at sea and a fire breaks out, there is no calling 911...you and your shipmates have to work together to put it out.

When my son went through, he said that for the first four weeks he kept his mouth shut and did what he was told. He said they hardly knew his name!

Hang in there dad...

Jim

Scott,

I'm not as seasoned as some of the other dads here, as my son started bootcamp April 15th.   I can tell you that I sympathize with you.  Before he left I told him he had to see this through for better or worse...and that it would be the toughest thing he's ever gone through in 19 years.  But I also told him I'm very proud of him and that I was confident he'd make a great sailor.

It does get better.  The tone of his letters/phone calls went something like this:

Week 1:  This place sucks!!!  The food is ok, but this place SUCKS!! (that was a quote).  I can't get out now unless I'm medically discharged.

Week 2:  I hope the regular Navy isn't like this.  I really miss you (which was pretty amazing for him because like most 19 year-olds, I was totally uncool).

Week 3:  I'm tired of shining my boots.

Week 4:  I passed my physical test.  I'm tired of cleaning. (he turned the corner here).  Some of the other recruits are idiots (clarified via phone conversation...he fell into line rather quickly...others did not and they had intense PT a couple days as a result...he was pissed).

Week 5:  This isn't so bad...just tired and bored of the routine.  I shot the Beretta and was an expert marksman.

Week 6:  Only 2 weeks left!  Did you get the tickets for PIR yet?  How are you doing?  (phone call)

It will get better.  Just be encouraging and tell him how proud you are of him.  Assure him that he can do it.  My son sounds like he's aged 10 years (and I mean that in a good way).  Just the way he speaks sounds so much more mature than the 19 year-old kid that left.

Hey Scott,

My son started May 1st and unfortunately we have not heard very much from him while he has been in boot camp with the exception of a couple quick calls and one letter. I suspect that his girlfriend may be getting all the attention... LOL!!! He did tell us emphatically that he missed us and our letters are helping. So keep writing your son and do it often. I know it gets difficult because you run out of things to write about if you write every day. My son happens to be an LA Kings fan and they are playing right now so I just cut and paste the Yahoo articles after every game so that he can follow along. I usually add a bit about how the family is doing and how proud of him that we all are. I hope this helps... You can also try reaching out to anyone of his friends and love ones that you think will write as well. I am sure that it will help with his outlook.

One thing to note...Based on everything that I have read and heard that once pass week 4 things start falling into to place for the recruits. It looks like your son is getting close. :)

Please let him know that we all appreciate his service and thank him for stepping up to protect the freedoms that we enjoy every day.

Best wishes, Rob

 Just received a second call from my son and he sounded much better than the first conversation, just as all of you had said he was adapting to the routine and was looking forward to the firearms training. He said the letters really helped. He did say his Division had to endure some intense training due to some of the recruits not quite getting in sync with the rest of them, but overall he seemed to be back on track and looking forward to finishing his training and moving on to "A" school.

Thanks to all for your responses and guidance, I felt like a great weight has been lifted off me just hearing how upbeat he was and that he's looking forward to facing new challenges.

Outstanding news.  Thanks for giving us the update.

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