Hello there it has been sometime since I posted on here and it has been an enduring adventure, since my last Jarad has just graduated from A school and is home (for the first time in 6 months). To go through the last how many weeks with our young sailor has been trying at times, trying to teach him to be financially responsible, or how not to freak out when you can't get the flight you want till tomorrow you know the mundane everyday things that make up life.
One thing that I have noticed since he has returned and in this I remembered my own experience this young man returned to a world that while it has changed very little has changed completely. He tried to revert back to how he was before only to drive me nuts to the point that I finally sat him down and we talked about this I told him how on my first trip back home I wanted everything to be as if I never left and it was, but the one thing no matter how hard I wanted or thought I did, that was different was me. I had changed and so had he, the place he once found comfort and security in, now stressed him out because as he put it " I am waiting for Petty Officer to give me instruction". I remember feeling lost and confused, everything looked like it did when I left and it was without a doubt home I mean my mom was there only nothing was the same because I had changed. He was confused about how this could happen and somewhat disappointed that it had although he never said as much I could see it in his eyes, those blue eyes the same ones that I had seen in my sleep the same blue eyes that had looked to me for reassurance as a little boy now had a similar look for an explanation of this new wrinkle and while giving it my best shot I am not sure either of us were completely satisfied with it.
I relayed my story and he listened intently nodding in the right places and was very attentive yet I could see that it hasn't quite clicked yet for him. That click that lets you know that while different it's still the same you just have to find how it works now for you just on a different level than it did before. So today has been better somewhat and hopefully tomorrow will be better still yet and we will take each as they come because in the back of my mind as in his we know more than likely he will be gone for at least twice as long next time; we won't speak of that yet neither he nor I, we know. We will take each minute, each hour, each day and use it completely and just when it all starts to feel normal again he will be gone again and we will feel the vacuum, not here the sounds of him downstairs singing (bless his heart he try's) or he and his little brother laughing and cutting up we will learn all over again how to be patient and wait until he has the chance knowing he will call and being supportive when he does.
We will be happy for our Sailor proud beyond belief in hearing his voice seeing in our minds eye his smile but that will be the smile of a small child at least for me it is never showing how much we miss him only that we are here and always will be anytime day or night to listen or give him a pep talk just like we always have. Only now it different no matter how bad we wanted things to be the same we have changed to, I guess
just a thought