The Letters.
I have written about every other day, and received no reply. Everyone gets frustrated with this. Im the type of guy to worry about things I have no control over, and not worry about the things I do. I am getting a lot of studying done, but I should be doing much more. Instead, I dwell on my partner being away. I write letters and read posts just like this. I guess I figure if Im getting no letters back I might feel better about reading how other people cope. The answer is obvious, but difficult to follow. “Focus on your work dumb guy!”** ** (Wording changed by administration. Foul language will not be tolerated.)
I received a phone call last week. It was great. I’m glad I got it. I have talked to her 100 times on the phone before, but never to replenish weeks of lost bonding. I wanted to hear about her experiences and tell her about mine. I wanted to talk about our feelings for each other too. I thought these were the things we should be talking about. In hindsight I wish we talked about the dumb things we talk about when we are bored, or just laying in bed with nothing to do but share thoughts. I think sharing thought is the right way to put it. The sentences don’t even have to be complete just random exchanges of words and ideas with no particular meaning. In the end the well framed phone conversation felt hollow.
I acknowledge my impatience is my ruler and my nemesis. Remember when Eric Cartman froze himself to wait for the release of the Wii? That was exactly what I wanted to do. Remember I have written stacks of letters. Just about as wordy as my blog posts. I wrote every other day. NO REPLY. I will say it again, this is brutal. I was at work and a friend of hers posted on facebook they got a letter. I was devastated. I thought, maybe this is like those times we have all done, where someone calls and you just don’t call back. After work I rushed home (Friday afternoon traffic rush mind you). Opened the mailbox. TWO ENVELOPES! Opened both as quickly as I could. One was stubborn and frustrating me. But, I wanted to be careful not to rip anything important like I did on the return address of the form letter. I laid all the letters out. There were four letters per envelope. I figured out where page #1 was and read. These had what I wanted our phone call to sound like natural unscheduled conversation. A steady flow of meandering thoughts. These letters I treasure.
I have never read a letter of hers before. She has a funny way of describing the challenges they go through. She also does an amazing job describing her days (yeah, I’m biased, what of it?). My letters on the other hand sound much like these posts. I dwell on every thing negative I have no control over.
An important point. I received the letters the 7th in Phoenix, they were sent the 5thfrom Chicago. 2 days it takes to travel. The letters were dated and 4 letters per envelop. They send these when they are allowed to. They are a privilege. They will send them when they are permitted. It’s a game the military plays to develop separation, and you, a loved one, are the recipient of it. Most soldiers are kids that have never left home. Id be willing to bet if letters flowed any sooner the drop out rate would be very high. Slow delivery is not your loved ones fault, or the mails. The Navy is screwing with you. Like I said previously, the service is for poor people. Rich folk wouldn’t put up with this nonsense.
My advice to all. If you have received no letters and have written many, that one you think might be a little angry put it on your counter. Save it for the final week . If you still feel the need to send it than do so. But that letter has no business being in your loved ones hands on week 2. I did send one. I also, still have one sitting on my counter that I cannot imagine sending now.
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