Crying at boot camp?

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Permalink Reply by NavyDads Admin (Paul) on May 17, 2013 at 3:02pm

The range of emotions the recruits go through is really big.  And only you really know what your sailor's mental and emotional "normal" state is.  So you have to decide in your letters how to respond.....I say that because you can have a big impact on how your son does in boot camp.  Let me say that the RDC's won't treat him any differently that they treat anyone else--in other words, they aren't going to "pick" on him or focus on him.  Let me also say that is his time to step up and decide what he wants out of the experience....he signed on the dotted line and took the oath.  If the RDCs see a continual pattern and your son is not making progress towards mastering the skill-set presented, he may very well be slated as being depressed and may very well be medically discharged.....so you have to decide what to communicate in your letters.  Regardless, you cannot make those decisions for him.

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Permalink Reply by Bill Ward on May 17, 2013 at 6:00pm

When I went through boot camp a million years ago I recall that there was some crying at times. My son, who has his PIR next week, told me there was some of that going on in his division as well. It's not uncommon in that age group.

I'm with the admins: Letters, lots of them, are the best possible thing for your Sailor's morale. I wrote mine in MS Word and added pictures, sub school info, clips from Navy Times, news articles, cartoons, etc. I once even copied and pasted a funny Facebook conversation I had with an old shipmate.

Even writing about something as trivial spending the afternoon grilling or mowing the lawn is absolute gold to them. Your letters don't have to be literary masterpieces, or even particularly interesting, so long as they convey the messages of your love, your pride, and your support.

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Permalink Reply by Navy Dads Co-Admin Tom on May 17, 2013 at 9:23pm

Carl....not knowing your SR's history, (age. life experience, Has he ever been away from home?) the best that I can offer you are some general thoughts and advice. His life is in the process of being turned upside down and sideways as he is being molded to accept Military life. Everything that he based his life upon is no longer present. Put yourself in that position for a moment....I have no doubt that there are many tears shed at night when they all hit their racks. The RDCs deal with this all of the time and it is part of the transition. As Basic progresses, he will be absorbed into the group with little time to ponder what he has left behind. He will grow into being a United States Sailor with a newfound confidence and purpose.

   You are also going through changes. It is so hard to stop being a "hands-on" parent when that is what you have been for so long. As Paul told you, all you can do at this point is to offer the love and support that you have always given. Write letters of encouragement as he finds his way. You are experiencing what we refer to as the "roller coaster" here on Navy Dads...and we have ALL taken the ride! Remember that there are 1000 sets of parents going through this as well. There are plenty of things in place to assist your Son on his journey. Trust that they will bring him (and you) to the day of PIR...when the tears will be yours...tears of pride in your Son and his accomplishments! Use this site for support as you make your way. You are now part of the Navy family....and there are plenty of us here to help...

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Permalink Reply by NavyDads Co-Admin, Gary on May 18, 2013 at 11:57am

Hang in there Carl. For all the SRs, there's nothing "normal" in bootcamp...

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Permalink Reply by Carl G. on May 18, 2013 at 1:49pm

He also said his division is doing better, not screwing up so much. 

I write him everyday, and in one letter I wrote him a personal creed, basically "I can do it, I won't quit, that sort of thing.  He said he reads it every night before lights out and it helps him to keep going on.

Another thing I thought of was when I was in college, way back when.  We didn't have cell phones so calling home all the time was too costly for a broke college student, so I wrote letters a lot to my family.  And that's what my son and I are doing now.  I remember how homesick I was so hopefully he doesn't feel alone in this. 

My son will be 20 y.o. this summer, and he can be a bit goofy sometimes. I've never seen him emotionally wrecked but I know he'll look back at this and say "Eh, that wasn't THAT bad", and most importantly, "If I can do this, there isn't a challenge I won't overcome". 

Thanks for all the feedback.  I've always considered myself emotionally hard, but the recent flood of emotions has been difficult for me.  This site has helped me out, so thanks again. 

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Permalink Reply by NavyDads Admin (Paul) on May 18, 2013 at 1:53pm

end a letter with "You've got this..." as it can do wonders!

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Permalink Reply by James T on May 19, 2013 at 2:01am

Carl got a very similar letter from my son this week and it got my blood boiling at some of the stuff. It seems my son has made some dumb decisions in bootcamp and he is being held responsible for them and after sitting back and thinking I am ok now. I just hope he has really learned to keep his mouth shut. My son isnt a big crier so I was shocked when yhe letter said he cries his self to sleep at nights. We actually got a short call from him the day before we got the letter that didn't make much sense until the letter came. In the phone call he was saying how he was doing good for us not to worry and he wouldn't do anything dumb. His pir is 6/14 and it can't get here fast enough. Hang in there man I know its hard but I am sure we will both be shocked at the men are kids have become in such a short time.

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Permalink Reply by Carl G. on May 20, 2013 at 6:38am

My son's PIR is 6/14 as well.  I watched a couple RTC graduations on Youtube, and that got me fired up.  A couple weeks left! 

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Permalink Reply by Brad on May 23, 2013 at 9:33pm

The first three weeks are the toughest, tell them to hang in there. It will get easier for them.

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Permalink Reply by Randy Lewis on May 25, 2013 at 10:05pm

Greetings Carl. Our Sailor PIR'd last Friday, the 17th. About week 3, when we got our 1st. Long call from him. He really struggled with the tears. He had been away from home, so this was nothing new to him. However, the extreme discipline was new to him. It was during week 4 that it finally started to fall in place for him. He had been appointed a section leader in his Div. so he had some added responsibility. Every letter, and subsequent phone call was very upbeat. He told us that during his first call, he was extremely home sick, and it sucked not being able to see us, or talk when he wanted! When we saw him at PIR, the change in him was truly an amazing thing to behold. All I can offer to you is be positive, keep the letters coming. From what I gathered after talking with him, and others in his Div. was that something just clicked, and it was all business! Your SR will snap out of it. It just happens. Trust me!!!!

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Permalink Reply by Ron Jones on May 26, 2013 at 3:34am

I can remember my Army boot and from what I have gotten from my SR its kinda the same as I experienced, they have been struck with the stark reality that being a teenager sitting in their room responsible for nothing is gone from them now they have to be young sailors with all that goes along with that. Mine told me "I don't want to quit, I just miss home and all the little stuff, the daily stuff" I guess the truth be told they do just miss their mommy or want a good meal of what ever. About a week before he left he got up one morning with me at 0600 and we were in the kitchen just talking and I said son your not going away for ever and he look straight at me and said " Dad you know I will never be back, not like I have been" and he was right because the young boy that left my kitchen is slowly becoming the young man that I will meet again soon. He told me that the Navy was going to give him the tools to be a man. It has been a rough few weeks for us but as someone here pointed out that the navy is teaching us how to be the parents of a sailor not having the constant contact with the child we have raised, we just have to understand that that child has grown and no matter how bad that sucks aint nothing we can do about it. Your boy will have support because he is one of them all of them know exactly how he feels and how bad it sucks and how few even get the chance to try what they are doing. I told my son You Got This and it became a thing for us because no matter how much I want or think I need to help He has to do this one. So if I may just be the positive support and maintain and know that your son is in good hands and he can do this  

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Permalink Reply by Robert L Burbridge Se on June 1, 2013 at 6:34am

Carl my son shipped out on April 9th 2013. You are feeling what I did. They are our blood, we protected their whole lives.. Now they are thrust into it alone. My son called me yesterday only third call, but he is a sailor now, completed 48 hours of battle stations, and got capped right there soaking wet, he is so proud of himself, us too. So write him constantly, encourage him to focus, get the job done, he will be good. I think writing him  constantly, have family write him, just let him know he is on your mind. God bless him.

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