70 Days To Go and Starting to Feel Real

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by NavyDads Admin (Paul) on June 10, 2014 at 9:10am

David- I've recently sent this very post to several other dads- you might find it interesting and reassuring:

lest you think you are alone, this was posted by a dad to another member dealing with separation anxiety....

"I know you have seen some encouraging comments from other members, but I wanted to weigh in here too. On 28 January, a month after completing college, my son was sworn in to the Navy DEP. It was a couple of days after that when it hit me....after 23 years of a daily relationship with him everything was about to change! I knew joining the Navy was going to be the absolute best thing for him. But in spite of that, I became very depressed. I had no idea what I was doing but googled Navy support groups. I found this site. I remember posting my first comments.....reluctantly because I thought others would think of me as less of a man.....how depressed I was already at the thought of my son leaving and he was not leaving for boot until 1 May. Well the responses were surprising! All the admins and a number of other members put me at ease when they responded that every dad on this site, if they are honest with themselves, experienced the same thing. I also followed the great advice from the admins to read as much as possible on this site. All of this really helped! But then came the week before he left. I became very upset and just wasn't sure how I was going to cope. It really took some work to get it under control. Then the day came to put him on that plane to Great Lakes. As the tears flowed, it was my son in a bit of a role reversal that said, "dad, it's going to be just fine." Well from that point everything happened just as it was described by the admins and other members on this site from receiving the "kid in a box" to the form letter to the first phone call. The best advice I received after his departure was to write often. I didn't really think my son would care that much because my son has always been very independent and not the "home sick" type. But I found out two things in writing the letters: he loved them and encouraged it and they were very therapeutic for me! In the 7 weeks after I received his address I wrote 16 letters. All typed, no spacing, and not one under 4 pages long! I would never have imagined being able to come up with that much to write about....but you will be surprised. It truly helped the time move along as well. Then believe it or not, PIR was upon us. My son graduated on 28 June. The only thing I can say about PIR is that as it relates to my son, it was the second greatest day of my life......second ONLY to witnessing his birth! When you see your sailor march into that hall and you realize he/she is now a part of something greater than themselves, it is an indescribable feeling of pride. A feeling that washes away all the tears and angst of the previous 8 1/2 weeks of separation. Now as I look back, I am amazed how time has passed so quickly! As of today my son has been out of boot camp almost as long as he was in it. He is in Pensacola attending IT A school. This is totally different from boot camp. It resembles being away to college as you can communicate freely (voice, text, e-mail) with the exception of when they are in class. So to wrap this up, as others have said, hang in there! You too before you know it will be in the same shoes as many of us....looking back wondering where the time went and posting comments to help parents going through that which you have endured. I cannot emphasize enough how wonderful this site is to help you through it.....from really good information to Navy FAMILY who are there for moral support. God Bless you and your son for his service to our great country!"

Your feelings are certainly not unique...we have all had to do through his roller coaster at one time or another and have had issues dealing with it to varying degrees....that is why we created this site.  Know that you are not alone- your fellow NavyDads members and your admin team is here to help you get through this ride and to address your worries and concerns....explore the site as there is a TON of stuff to learn and a TON of answers and advice!!!!  When you need to vent or have questions, feel free to post them!!!!

Permalink Reply by David Oelker on June 10, 2014 at 9:31am

Thanks so much for posting that. It does help more than you know.

Permalink Reply by Richard J. Ramirez on June 10, 2014 at 9:33am

Good Morning David!  I unfortunately found the site AFTER Basic Training. I sure wish I had found it before he left Basic given there are a bunch of folks that can "feel your pain" with you. 

For my wife and I, we cried for two days (off and on) when our son informed us he was leaving the University after two years to head for Great Lakes.  Heck we did not even know where Great Lakes was located.  Regardless, he wanted to volunteer out of high school so it should not have been such a shock.

While at Basic, the hard part for us was the silence.  You get very little info while the Navy is whipping (not literally) the Recruits into Sailors.  Anyway, the transformation was almost hard to believe when we saw our son for the first time at graduation and while attending A-School.

Know others are there for you and we will keep your little girl in our prayers.

Rich Ramirez

Permalink Reply by David Oelker on June 10, 2014 at 9:37am

Thank you Richard!!!!

Permalink Reply by NavyDads Admin (Paul) on June 10, 2014 at 9:40am

prepare for the experience and be aware that Mama gonna have some teary times ahead! When you sit in Midway Ceremonial Hall for PIR and see her division march in through the big door it will all be worth it!  It may not seem like it now, and you are still a long way off, but once boot camp beings, the 8 weeks will go by far faster than you think it will.....one of these days you'll be looking back at this experience and hopefully will be helping others just beginning their Navy journey!  We invite you to think about starting a journal to chronicle this experience.....you may be surprised at how it helps you deal with it and remember the highs and lows of it-- and be prepared as there will be some lows.  Welcome to NavyDads.com!!!

Permalink Reply by David Oelker on June 10, 2014 at 10:00am

Thank you, Paul. Yes my wife is the other side of this. She is also a mess over the whole thing. This is our oldest child...the first one to leave the nest.

Permalink Reply by Hello2u on June 10, 2014 at 10:08am

Hang in there David,, I know what you mean when reality is staring you in the face,, this was the hardest thing I even did, especially with my son, he was 800 division, spec ops,, they have no contact as often as the others,,I only heard from him after 3 weeks about 3 times the whole 8 weeks, it was tough on me, found myself under a dark cloud. but I turned it around and told myself he was safe, bed and food and friends he would meet. after the 3 weeks I finally rec'd his first long letter, and my son is not a writter, he had so much to say, it was great to hear all that he'd been doing and learning.  long story short my son is now PO4 Diver and loving his job every minute...so keep your eye on the prize, is what I always told him. :)

btw- my preteen, is also navy driven,  he will graduate SLPO from Navy Leagues/Sea Cadets this month, I love this youth grp. sure learned alot, thats for sure.  

Permalink Reply by David Oelker on June 10, 2014 at 10:33am

Thanks a lot for your post. Like I said, I know it will all work out. But it really helps to hear guys like you say so.

SLPO; wow, he is driven! I hope he stays in the program. I think it goes a long way towards preparing kids for when they enlist in the Big Navy...or Marines, Army, Air Force, whatever. I have heard a number of active duty folks who were Sea Cadets say that their Sea Cadet boot camp was tougher than the real deal when they enlisted.

Permalink Reply by Hello2u on June 10, 2014 at 11:55am

Thanks! :) and I'm a Navy Mom! lol

Permalink Reply by David Oelker on June 10, 2014 at 12:18pm

Oops. My bad.

Permalink Reply by Jared Hyde on June 10, 2014 at 2:45pm

David,
It sounds like you are wearing my boondockers. It was five years ago in '09 that my oldest son joined the Navy. The time in boot camp will go quickly. Keep writing and the time will be shorter. Same thing goes for deployment, although I have a feeling that you are familiar with deployments already on the sailor side. It will feel much different when you drop your daughter off at the head of the pier. At least it was for me and my son.
A large number of Dads are here. Moms too! Some of us are old salts watching our young sailors step out into fleet.

V/r
Jared Hyde

Permalink Reply by paul murphy on June 10, 2014 at 3:21pm

hang in there ...my son lefty 6/3.. Just got the box today and await the letter,, I had a harder time with it than i thought i would ...

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